What do you do when...

What do you do when….
…you’re surrounded by friends and family but you feel so alone
…you wanna crawl in a hole and die on your own
…the only person that’s keeping you alive is the person you hate the most
…all you can do in life is just sit back and coast
…you feel like even your best friend ain’t on your side
…all you didn’t the night before was cried
…it takes all you will power not to drive off the road and crash into a tree
…the only thing holding me back is me
…even in your own home you feel like an outsider
…the closest you can get to the person you love is by standing beside her
…you realize your entire life is one big joke
…you realize the easiest way to die is to choke
…the only visible scars on your arms are from cutting
…you wish that you’re step-dad would never return from hunting
…the only person you can trust is no longer around
…the only thing that can be seen on my face is a frown


This just that I have been working on lately and I Decided to post it

What's been Happenin Lately

Yeah,.... so lately i've been fighting with my best friend Heather.... It irritates me and depresses me all at the same time. It started on Kayla's Birthday (sept. 12) but to keep a long story short she gave up on our friendship and we haven't talked since.... This isn't the first time it's happened and I feel like im fighting a losing battle.... I mean sure i still want to hang out with heather.... but it's like lately she hates me or something she gets pissed about the littlest things, i have to watch what i say around her or i might trigger a switch... I can't talk to her like i use to with out running the risk of making her mad and whats worse is when i do make her mad she won't tell me she just walks off.... Maybe I should just give up......
What's even worse is my friend Jen is going through a rough time and i can't do anything to help. She got kicked out of her house after she got into a fight with her mom, she moved to tennesse then ran out of money and had to move back to iowa to live with her dad.... i just feel so helpless
And another factor in my life God. Dude i am so backsliding. I am growing farther and farther away from God, but yet i don't seem to care and i can't figure out why. I know that i need to start going to church more and start reading the bible more but for some reason i just don't seem to do it. It's really kind of pathetic.
On a brighter note I am hanging out with a few new people and they seem really kool.... I mean i don't entirely agree with some of the stuff they did to a friend of mine but i forgave them and im really glad i did... These two are the most animated people ive ever met and what's more creepy is we all have alot in common. I see alot of similarites between us and it's really kool.... Sam is the sweetest person i've met, i mean she cares so much about being nice to people its not even funny, and she's really sensitive and can easily cry ( i envy this so much it's not even funny) and Megan is really kool she and I have alot in common..............but at the same time there is this thought that runs in the back of my mind, what if...... What if they hurt me some how? or worse What if they hurt Dee again? I know it shouldn't be there but it is.... There are other questions too... but those are the normal one for me like what do they think of me? Will I end up saying something really stupid? It's just that im parinoid about this stuff. Sam and Megan are really cool but i still can't help but wonder.
I am really happy about the fact that im dateing also. I'm dateing the most wonderful person in the entier world and i wouldn't trade them for anything.

Introduction to Me, Myself, and I.

Name: Nicki M. Jensen

Gender: umm... well i'll give you one guess and im not a guy lol

Age: 16

Interest: Well... umm... im into camping, fishing, hunting, videogames, shopping, football, basketball, drawing, painting, reading, hanging out with friends, cars, cars, cars and umm did i mention cars, i don't mind writing to much either, listening to music, playing the guitar, the olympics, umm there's probably more but my brain hurts as it is so im not gonna think to hard right now

Friends: well i don't have many lol... Derika, Sasha aka Squirrel, Amber, Amanda, Rachel, Crystal, Sam & Megan (the last two are the newest lol), Tiff, Jess...ica, Emily, Levi, Marcel, Brandon, Timmy, Tanner, Jess, Leif, Clinton, Maloy, Brittany, Roselina, Kailah, Kristin aka TP, Kristin aka TDH, Susan, Justin, Sammantha, Bobbie, Cassie, Abbey, JenJen, Chelsea, Brent, Corey, Mallory, Jason, umm I hope i didn't forget anybody

Goals in Life: I don't really have like purpose in life but i do really want to own a nissan nismo 350Z (even though they aren't even on the factory lines yet) But other than that my life has no purpose to it.