It's Just Life You'll Get Over It...
PAIN:
severe emotional or mental distress
This is only a definition from a dictionary. Pain can mean many different things to different people. To me pain is listening to "Jesus take the wheel" by Carrie Underwood. Pain is remembering the last few months. Pain is knowing that something is over and not being able to get the thought that it might continue to go away. Pain is wanting something so badly but not being able to do anything about it because no matter what you say or do it just won't work. Pain is knowing that you've made an ass of yourself. (Lol one of my many talents)
For me pain are these things but so much more. Like knowing that a small accident can affect so many others. My friend Emily wrote a short story that showed me that. Guys, I really want to apologize for my car wreck. I know it was an accident and I didn't mean to do it, but there are so many things that I could have done to prevent it.
Every single time I go to write I think about the problems in my life and how much I hurt, but I can't do that. These problems effect so many more people than just me. I've always known that but I guess it just now finally hit me.
This is extremely hard for me to admit, but this break up is extremely hard for me. So hard in fact that I'm blocking bits and pieces of the last few months from memory. Sammy and I realized yesterday that I don't remember what I did New Years. Lol oops I guess... The only things I know about that night are what Sam's told me and some stuff that I wrote in my journal about it (which we really don't need to go into those details lol it'll just make me sound pathetic). Anywayz I'm getting off track, the point is I'm starting to wonder how has this affected everyone else? What do Sammy and Meg think about it? I mean they're really close to Jenny too. Heck, What about Jenny? What's it like for her? I don't know these are just thoughts...
You know my entire life isn't pain and stress and anger. I do have fun it just normally gets weighed out by the bad. Lol Emily's been writing on her blog about some memories she has from camp last year. I read that and everything comes rushing back LOl. I think my favorite memory was when Joanna fell into the swamp that was awsome. OH!! or when Emily and I slept in the same bed because I let Kristen sleep in my bed and Emily decided that she wanted to sleep in our cabin. Levi found out the next morning and had to call Emily a slut for sleeping with me LOL.
OH or how about this year when I went to our christmas party at work LOL. Tammy still doesn't know that I stole some of her drink... Ok it was more like half a bottle, but still... and Amy found Andy.
I'm not going to go into a whole lot of detail, but the night that Sammy, Jenny, Amber and I went to see a movie. Then Jenny, Sammy, and I went to Meg's house to watch Step Up... I had a blast that night... then again that's why the song from Carrie Underwood brings me so much pain.
What else? Umm... Well going to Florida was pretty cool. I got something for everybody, but I keep forgetting to give Megan what I got her and I did get Jenny something but I'm too much of a chicken to give it to her... so I think I'll mail it LOL... And I did see some pretty hot people on the plane ride down, but after that it was all old people. I seen/ saw a few things the makes me wanna gouge my eyes out. Yech!!! One last thing Meg... I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING OR ANYONE IN FLORIDA!!!! Is that clear enough?
severe emotional or mental distress
This is only a definition from a dictionary. Pain can mean many different things to different people. To me pain is listening to "Jesus take the wheel" by Carrie Underwood. Pain is remembering the last few months. Pain is knowing that something is over and not being able to get the thought that it might continue to go away. Pain is wanting something so badly but not being able to do anything about it because no matter what you say or do it just won't work. Pain is knowing that you've made an ass of yourself. (Lol one of my many talents)
For me pain are these things but so much more. Like knowing that a small accident can affect so many others. My friend Emily wrote a short story that showed me that. Guys, I really want to apologize for my car wreck. I know it was an accident and I didn't mean to do it, but there are so many things that I could have done to prevent it.
Every single time I go to write I think about the problems in my life and how much I hurt, but I can't do that. These problems effect so many more people than just me. I've always known that but I guess it just now finally hit me.
This is extremely hard for me to admit, but this break up is extremely hard for me. So hard in fact that I'm blocking bits and pieces of the last few months from memory. Sammy and I realized yesterday that I don't remember what I did New Years. Lol oops I guess... The only things I know about that night are what Sam's told me and some stuff that I wrote in my journal about it (which we really don't need to go into those details lol it'll just make me sound pathetic). Anywayz I'm getting off track, the point is I'm starting to wonder how has this affected everyone else? What do Sammy and Meg think about it? I mean they're really close to Jenny too. Heck, What about Jenny? What's it like for her? I don't know these are just thoughts...
You know my entire life isn't pain and stress and anger. I do have fun it just normally gets weighed out by the bad. Lol Emily's been writing on her blog about some memories she has from camp last year. I read that and everything comes rushing back LOl. I think my favorite memory was when Joanna fell into the swamp that was awsome. OH!! or when Emily and I slept in the same bed because I let Kristen sleep in my bed and Emily decided that she wanted to sleep in our cabin. Levi found out the next morning and had to call Emily a slut for sleeping with me LOL.
OH or how about this year when I went to our christmas party at work LOL. Tammy still doesn't know that I stole some of her drink... Ok it was more like half a bottle, but still... and Amy found Andy.
I'm not going to go into a whole lot of detail, but the night that Sammy, Jenny, Amber and I went to see a movie. Then Jenny, Sammy, and I went to Meg's house to watch Step Up... I had a blast that night... then again that's why the song from Carrie Underwood brings me so much pain.
What else? Umm... Well going to Florida was pretty cool. I got something for everybody, but I keep forgetting to give Megan what I got her and I did get Jenny something but I'm too much of a chicken to give it to her... so I think I'll mail it LOL... And I did see some pretty hot people on the plane ride down, but after that it was all old people. I seen/ saw a few things the makes me wanna gouge my eyes out. Yech!!! One last thing Meg... I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING OR ANYONE IN FLORIDA!!!! Is that clear enough?
posted by Jensen at
3:38 PM
3 Comments:
Hey Nicole! ok: I know everything I say on here is all my babbling/rambling, but I can't help it. I kinda told ya what Jen told me after the break up, I told ya in that txt the other day. me...I really dislike it. I wont get into everything. A lot of things are angering (is that a word?...is now)right now that go back to stuff with Jen. I wish I knew what she was thinking to make her do this stuff. Because it's hurting all of us so much. i wish i could dig into the back of my mind for some good 'ol pieces of wisdom...but it's too early in the morning right now. So if I think of somethin, I'll let ya know! Love ya!
Hey, honestly I'm really upset with Jen just because I don't know why shes doing what shes doing. I don't know what all happened with you guys, but I do know (in some way) how much you fell for her. Its so freaking hard to get out of. Pain is a word with many definitions I think you clarified taht for many of us. I know you hurt and I know what its like to be in your shoes. I know you know that, but just remember you know all of my contact info...and you know if for a reason. I love you! Sammy and I both do. We can't really help Jenny anymore but we can help you if you let us. What your going through isn't whats hurting me. What is hurting me is that Jen doesn't attempt to explain whats going on with her to me. What else is that you help me all the freaking time, and yet I feel like I do nothing to help you through. I don't look down on the things you do to cope with stuff. I just wish there was an easier way. This is getting kind of long. I think I might just e-mail you or write. Either way I'll get back to you. WE are always here you know that. Megs
hey, omg, i didnt know my story had that effect. i'm sorry. you know me, dont take everything i say to heart, i'm full of what ifs. i know how rough life can be too, as i think you know, and i too would like to take away these past few months, but i cant, i have no choice but to continue. on some level i know what your feeling. i'm sorry about the break up, and i'm sorry i cant really do anything to make you feel better since i'm not there, i'm here. all i can do is be here, and i always will be. you know you can talk to me. on another note, you know just as well as i do that i didnt "sleep" in your bed. there was no sleeping on my part. lol. and the slut thing acutally went "good job you whore i heard you slept with nicki last night" yeah lol good ol' days huh? know i'm here
the em
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