The game
I try not to let myself get attached to anything, because I can't stand the heartache if something goes wrong. Yet, somehow i've let myself get attached to basketball. It doesn't matter if its just watching a game or if im actually playing, I get into it. It's like im in my own little world, where nothing can penetrate into my brain...I know that im not the greatest player in the world, but it still means something to me.
I didn't realize this until just recently. I have my own stupidty to thank for that and megan to thank for reinforcing that knowledge. I first realized that basketball was a major part of my life when I didn't go out for the team this year. I feel like somethings missing and I just now realize what it is. I mean its rediculus how much I miss about the game. The anticipation before a game, how I could just sit in the locker room before a game and I could actually focus on basketball... Nothing else (I have a hard time concentrating on anything, my brain jumps around subjects way to much). How I actually had a whole ritual before a game... to get me ready to play lol (sounds stupid i know). I even miss running in practices... Double killers... Ladders... (im sure most of you are lost now, but for a breif explination they are running drills and f.y.i. i hate running, so that makes it even more amazing that I miss it). I miss the early morning practices, the weight lifting after school, everything...
Then it really hit me last saturday that baskeball was/is my life... I had placed a picture on my myspace profile of me sitting on the bench at the begining of a basketball game... Megan left a comment that the way I look in that picture is the same way I look watching games now. Before she said that I thought that I had, for the most part, gotten rid of basketball as a major aspect of my life... I was wrong. Its still there... I can't get rid of it no matter how hard I try...
Megan's trying to convince me to go back and play next year, but im not sure that I want to... I mean don't get me wrong I love the sport, but I don't know if I want to put myself through this agrivation again... The physical pain I could deal with (I'd have physical pain because i badly need to get into shape again), Its the emotional i problems with... Im afraid that ill go back into my depression as soon as next years season ends and I don't think its worth it... I guess I just don't know what to do at the moment...
You get your way meg... I haven't made my decision on what to do next year...
I didn't realize this until just recently. I have my own stupidty to thank for that and megan to thank for reinforcing that knowledge. I first realized that basketball was a major part of my life when I didn't go out for the team this year. I feel like somethings missing and I just now realize what it is. I mean its rediculus how much I miss about the game. The anticipation before a game, how I could just sit in the locker room before a game and I could actually focus on basketball... Nothing else (I have a hard time concentrating on anything, my brain jumps around subjects way to much). How I actually had a whole ritual before a game... to get me ready to play lol (sounds stupid i know). I even miss running in practices... Double killers... Ladders... (im sure most of you are lost now, but for a breif explination they are running drills and f.y.i. i hate running, so that makes it even more amazing that I miss it). I miss the early morning practices, the weight lifting after school, everything...
Then it really hit me last saturday that baskeball was/is my life... I had placed a picture on my myspace profile of me sitting on the bench at the begining of a basketball game... Megan left a comment that the way I look in that picture is the same way I look watching games now. Before she said that I thought that I had, for the most part, gotten rid of basketball as a major aspect of my life... I was wrong. Its still there... I can't get rid of it no matter how hard I try...
Megan's trying to convince me to go back and play next year, but im not sure that I want to... I mean don't get me wrong I love the sport, but I don't know if I want to put myself through this agrivation again... The physical pain I could deal with (I'd have physical pain because i badly need to get into shape again), Its the emotional i problems with... Im afraid that ill go back into my depression as soon as next years season ends and I don't think its worth it... I guess I just don't know what to do at the moment...
You get your way meg... I haven't made my decision on what to do next year...
posted by Jensen at
8:51 PM
2 Comments:
Hey, I know what its like and i Know the depression that follows after it sucks monkey hairs, but its the regret that will get you for the rest of your life. The depression with dig at ya for a while...and every once in a while it'll stab at ya unexpectedly...like mine did today...but you move on. I understand why you don't really wanna play..but I still think you should...
Hey! I was totally gonna comment yesterday (i think yesterday) when I finally found out that you blogged but blogger was being stupid. so...we'll see how this goes: I know all this stuff sucks. big time. but a lot of things are gonna be different next year and depression will wanna hit ya -hard- since it's your senior year..last for everything...but youg otta think that will be new things to look forward to, ya know? depression=yikes! but you can find things to hit it back with. I could definately tell just at the game that you love basketball and means mucho to you. I think you should at least think abut playing again. I hope you get what i'm saying-not sure if I'm makin sense or not...lol Love ya!
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