What It Takes
You know, its amazing what it takes for people to realize what things mean to them. You wish that bad things wouldn't ever happen, but when they do you realize that they can be a blessing in disguise. I recently had an awaking. For those of you who don't already know, I recently rolled my car into a ditch, I totalled it. Also I would like to add that I loved that car. I loved that car so much that as soon as i got out of it, I cried. I wasn't even the least bit worried about my own injuries, I was worried about that freakin' car.
Ok car aside, I did realize how much my friends mean to me. I realized that there isn't anything in the world that I would trade for any single one of my friends. My friends are my family. Whether they believe that or not, they are. I care about every single one of you guys... I love you and I can't imagine my life without you. Jenny, Meg, Sammy, JenJen, Emily, Jessica, Ifftany, Susan, Weimer, Justin, Brent, Cram, Brittany, Kayla, Carley, Heather, Sasha, Amber, Farver, and even Cookie. (even if he was more worried about the car lol)
When I got to school today, I walked inside... and even after what happened, I still had a smile on my face when I walked in. You can even ask Megan, she was there... but I was just so happy that I still had the chance to see my friends. If I wasn't so sore I would've done a back flip (and yes, Meg and Sam, I do realize that I told you that I didn't feel any pain, but that was a bit of an exaggeration). I honestly, didn't really care that my car was totalled as long as I was able to see my friends. There's nothing I want more right now then to huge everyone, especially Jenny... The fact that I could have died just applifies how I feel about everyone.
I was sitting here on my computer yesterday after the accident talking to Megan, Sammy, Jessica, and Tiff, and I started to cry. I didn't cry because of the pain or because of the stress. I didn't cry because I had just realized how close I had actually came to death. I didn't cry because of the fear that followed after I realized how close I came to dying (i'm terrified of dying, its one of my worse fears). I cried because of how close I came to never being able to see my friends again. I may be terrified of death, but not being able to see the people I care about most, scared me worse than death itself. I would rather die then not be able to see my friends.
Ok, so everyone keeps asking me if im ok and how im feeling? Most of the time I'll tell ya'll that im fine... well thats only partly true... I know I will live through all of this, but if you want to know the honest to God truth, I hurt like hell and I am so freakin' stressed out about this that im about ready to break down. I'm gonna hafta find a way to pay for a new car, and I don't exactly have that type of money right now. Mom calls me like every hour to make sure im ok which drives me nuts. So this whole thing plus all the other stressful things in my life make me wanna break down and cry for hours on end. The pain is every where (especially in my ribs) ... it's driving me up the wall. I wish I could only focus on one thing so the rest of it would go away, but it doesn't help... my mind can't stop racing. I tried to write and it doesn't help, it actually makes things worse. So, right now I just kinda feel a little bit like my whole life has been turned upside down and the lights have been turned out. Now, I gotta find all these pieces in the dark and try to put them back together.
I'm not really sure how everyone will take this, but again I feel like ya'll should know. And I'm sorry if I really freaked anyone out. I promise that I will be ok and that I don't plan on rolling another car anytime soon. Just bare with me if I have a tendency to space out within the next couple of weeks... I have alot on my mind and i'm not exactly sure how im going to deal with this...
Love ~Snap~
Ok car aside, I did realize how much my friends mean to me. I realized that there isn't anything in the world that I would trade for any single one of my friends. My friends are my family. Whether they believe that or not, they are. I care about every single one of you guys... I love you and I can't imagine my life without you. Jenny, Meg, Sammy, JenJen, Emily, Jessica, Ifftany, Susan, Weimer, Justin, Brent, Cram, Brittany, Kayla, Carley, Heather, Sasha, Amber, Farver, and even Cookie. (even if he was more worried about the car lol)
When I got to school today, I walked inside... and even after what happened, I still had a smile on my face when I walked in. You can even ask Megan, she was there... but I was just so happy that I still had the chance to see my friends. If I wasn't so sore I would've done a back flip (and yes, Meg and Sam, I do realize that I told you that I didn't feel any pain, but that was a bit of an exaggeration). I honestly, didn't really care that my car was totalled as long as I was able to see my friends. There's nothing I want more right now then to huge everyone, especially Jenny... The fact that I could have died just applifies how I feel about everyone.
I was sitting here on my computer yesterday after the accident talking to Megan, Sammy, Jessica, and Tiff, and I started to cry. I didn't cry because of the pain or because of the stress. I didn't cry because I had just realized how close I had actually came to death. I didn't cry because of the fear that followed after I realized how close I came to dying (i'm terrified of dying, its one of my worse fears). I cried because of how close I came to never being able to see my friends again. I may be terrified of death, but not being able to see the people I care about most, scared me worse than death itself. I would rather die then not be able to see my friends.
Ok, so everyone keeps asking me if im ok and how im feeling? Most of the time I'll tell ya'll that im fine... well thats only partly true... I know I will live through all of this, but if you want to know the honest to God truth, I hurt like hell and I am so freakin' stressed out about this that im about ready to break down. I'm gonna hafta find a way to pay for a new car, and I don't exactly have that type of money right now. Mom calls me like every hour to make sure im ok which drives me nuts. So this whole thing plus all the other stressful things in my life make me wanna break down and cry for hours on end. The pain is every where (especially in my ribs) ... it's driving me up the wall. I wish I could only focus on one thing so the rest of it would go away, but it doesn't help... my mind can't stop racing. I tried to write and it doesn't help, it actually makes things worse. So, right now I just kinda feel a little bit like my whole life has been turned upside down and the lights have been turned out. Now, I gotta find all these pieces in the dark and try to put them back together.
I'm not really sure how everyone will take this, but again I feel like ya'll should know. And I'm sorry if I really freaked anyone out. I promise that I will be ok and that I don't plan on rolling another car anytime soon. Just bare with me if I have a tendency to space out within the next couple of weeks... I have alot on my mind and i'm not exactly sure how im going to deal with this...
Love ~Snap~
posted by Jensen at
5:09 PM
2 Comments:
I fuckin luv u kid! U scared me and it hit me hard. Id hug u now 2 but I think the 20 miles gap would be a lil hard to get through rite now. Im so happy ur ok! The aches n pains will subside and then u can get back to the way things used to be kinda! again, Im happy ur still alive!
oh my lordy! I know exactly how you feel! I was like that for a while and things were horrible but it was ok since I had everyone there for me. dude, when you first came into school the other day, I wanted to hug you but I didn't know what you'd do! hahaha! I'm so glad you're ok! I love you!
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